apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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