I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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