you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
