Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
