I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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