Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
