I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
