i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
