so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
