Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
