I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
did i just pee glitter
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
