True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize