Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
