Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize