My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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