6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you win again, gameday.
this boner is exhausting
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
