yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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