A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I am morally bankrupt
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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