i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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