how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
