Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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