Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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