there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
