I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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