i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
