Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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