Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize