i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
