areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
