I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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