CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
