Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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