So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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