I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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