What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
