me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
