my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
