The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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