She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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