i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
