I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
this hospital has no fireball
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