I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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