Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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