You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
