The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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