my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize