just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
