It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
