People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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