you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
