I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize