Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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