bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
