I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
