Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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