Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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