So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
