i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth