Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.