Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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