Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
