just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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