i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
