My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
