I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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