I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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