i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
