so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
