dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
