I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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