I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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