Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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