How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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