Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
